I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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