"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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