P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
