You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
