What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
