DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Shame - the story of my life.
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