She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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