the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
