How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
