It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
