It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
