I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
