I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
