Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
