My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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