If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
