U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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