I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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