He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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