just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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