No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
