3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
