im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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