I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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