It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
