Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
