dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
