I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
