What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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