Where did you get a picture of my penis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Congratulations! We have a period
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
