I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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