Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We named our party play list daddy issues
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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