Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
