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i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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