Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
