It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
