i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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