Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
