I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
