I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Less talking, more tequila
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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