Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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