I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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