am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
