Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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