I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
