You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
