i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
