Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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