my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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