Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
