I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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